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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27479515">A little reinvention</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redstoner/pseuds/Redstoner'>Redstoner</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Angst [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek &amp; Paul/Levenson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:01:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,582</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27479515</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redstoner/pseuds/Redstoner</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He wants to get better, really, he does. It's just difficult.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Angst [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1653415</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm so sorry to anyone that expected good content and updates</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’s staring at the ground, wallowing in self pity when he hears the bell ring, he glares at the clock connected to the speaker as though it’ll somehow fix the fact that he’s late. He sees the kid that laughed at him earlier walking by, he waves without thinking about it. They don’t notice him. He figures he should be used to it by now, but there’s a lump in his throat and his eyes well up with tears and he already wants this day to be over. </p><p>The rest of the day isn’t much better, but nothing really happens. He considers trying to ask Michael if he’s got any weed left, but he already told his mom- <em>Cynthia</em>, he already told Cynthia he wouldn’t get high. He doesn’t usually care, but he’d like to get better at some point. He’s considering just leaving and skipping the rest of the day, but there’s the kid again. He figures now’s a good time to apologize. </p><p>He doesn’t mean to startle him, but the kid turns around and almost runs into Connor. He immediately feels all the words die on his tongue, why did he try to talk to the kid again? </p><p>“So,” Connor tries to break the silence and <em>maybe</em> make this a bit easier, “what happened?”</p><p>“Excuse me?” The kid looks terrified. </p><p>He glances. “Your arm.”<br/>
“Well,” he starts, “I was working as an apprentice park ranger this summer at Ellison Park, and one morning I was doing my rounds, and I saw this amazing forty-foot-tall oak tree, and I started climbing it, and I just- fell. But it’s actually a funny story, because there was a good ten minutes after I fell when I was just laying there on the ground, waiting for someone to come get me. ‘Any second now,’ I kept thinking. ‘Any second now.’ But yeah, nobody came so…” <em>Hilarious.</em></p><p>Connor just stares at him for a moment, before realizing he isn’t going to continue. He laughs out of habit, it’s super awkward, then again, this story was supposed to be funny. But, the kid doesn’t seem pleased with the response, so he starts talking again. </p><p>“You fell out of a tree?” <em>That was harsh,</em> “that’s the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard” <em>and that was worse. </em></p><p>The kid just stares. “Take my advice, make up a better story.”</p><p>“Yeah, probably,” he looks relieved. </p><p>Connor drops his gaze to the floor and Evan follows suit. </p><p>“Just say you were battling some racist dude” His voice is quieter now, like he’s afraid Evan will leave once he finally hears Connor. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“To kill a mockingbird,” they both had to read that.</p><p>“To kill- oh, you mean the book?” </p><p>“Yeah” Connor replies. “At the end, remember? Jem and Scout are running away from that redneck guy. He breaks Jem’s arm. It’s, like, a battle wound.” The kid looks surprised when Connor mentions the ending, like he’s surprised Connor read it. </p><p>Connor tucks his hair behind his ear, no one’s signed the cast. “No one’s signed your cast.” </p><p>The kid looks at it for a moment and Connor shrugs, trying to end this interaction as soon as possible. “I could sign it.”</p><p>“Oh.” The kid pauses, “You don’t have to-” <em>he doesn’t want you to.</em></p><p>“Do you have a sharpie” <em>Fuck.</em></p><p>The kid pulls out a sharpie and Connor slightly wishes he hadn’t. He writes in big letters without thinking about it, regretting it immediately after. He should’ve left it smaller, so the kid didn’t have to deal with a signature from the <em>freak.</em><br/>
“Now we can both pretend we have friends.” He shouldn’t have said that, this kid had Klienman. He was the one without friends. </p><p>“Yeah..uh” The kid looks away again, “Thanks.” </p><p>Connor dies inside a little more. He just wants to leave. The paper, he remembers grabbing a paper before talking to the kid. </p><p>“By the way,” He reaches for the paper tucked under his arm. “Is this yours? I found it on the printer. ‘Dear Evan Hansen.’ That’s you right?”</p><p>“Oh, that?” Connor should just hand it to him and leave, why hasn’t he left yet- “That’s nothing. It’s just this writing thing I do.” </p><p>“You’re a writer?” Connor doesn’t admit it to many, but he loves reading. </p><p>“No, not really. It’s not, like, for pleasure.”</p><p>Connor reads more and his expression darkens, “‘Because there’s Zoe.’” He looks up and glares. “Is this about my sister?” Connor had done enough and he refuses to let anyone else do the same. He steps forward, a bit too close to Evan but he can barely realize, he’s already overheating, “I’m not fucking dumb.” </p><p>“I never said you were.”</p><p>“But you thought it,” Evan wasn’t going to do anything to Zoe. He wasn’t going to get away with that. </p><p>“No.” Evan’s getting more and more anxious, he heard about the printer. </p><p>“Don’t fucking lie. I know what this is. You wrote this because you knew I would find it.”</p><p>“What?” Evan sounds shocked and Connor’s jumping to conclusions.</p><p>“You saw-” He didn’t. If he didn’t see him earlier, why would he care now. He almost bumped into Connor earlier, “what is it then?”</p><p>“I have to write letters to myself for therapy. It's uh…” his eyes burn with tears. </p><p>“Fuck,” he steps back, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about it...I just don’t want anything to happen to her.” He looks down, “Do you need this still?”</p><p>Evan stares at the paper for a moment, “No, I could uh, reprint it.” He doesn’t want to, but he also didn’t want Connor to get angry again.”<br/>
“Alright.” Connor folds it, putting it in his bag, “I’ll uh.. go then”</p><p><em>This is your chance,</em> “Wait- uh- Connor, can I have your phone number?”</p><p>Connor’s heart sinks, he didn’t really plan on being around much longer. Just one more person to disappoint. “Yeah..sure”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’s rereading Evan’s note while he’s sitting in the grass. It puts everything into words for him. His lost relationship with Zoe, how no one would notice if he disappeared, how he just wanted to matter. Which meant that...Evan felt the same way. If Connor disappeared, would Evan follow? </p><p>It’s that thought that has him fumbling for his phone, trying with shaking hands to call Cynthia. </p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Mom-” He sobs, “mom- I’m gonna die,” he’s shaking with sobs “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”</p><p>“Connor- Connor” She cuts him off sounding horrified, “Connor where are you?” </p><p>“At the- at the park- mom I’m sorry”</p><p>“Connor- it’s fine, Larry- Larry.” Her voice is sharp and he squeezes his eyes shut, wishing she didn’t have to talk to him. “Call the-”</p><p>He hears his father on the other end, it’s muffled but he can tell Larry’s upset, bad kind of upset. </p><p> </p><p>“Larry!” Her voice is shaking now and Connor jumps at the sudden shout from his mother on the other end. </p><p>She stays on the phone with him, reassuring him he’ll be alright until he can be taken to the hospital.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When he wakes up, he’s in the hospital. He shuts his eyes at the bright light. He’s still tired. His parents are talking to the doctors outside. He doesn’t react when Cynthia walks in, or when Larry sighs at the doorway, just staring at the hospital ceiling. </p><p>“You’re going to have to stay for a few more days,”He wants to shut his eyes, try to go to sleep, be anywhere but there, in a hospital bed. “We’re going to try and find you a therapist, we can try a few, but I need you to try this-”</p><p>“Okay” his throat burns and Cynthia’s eyes fill with tears. </p><p>A while after they leave he checks his phone. He isn’t expecting any messages, but it couldn’t hurt to check right?</p><p>[Unknown number]: Hey, it’s Evan. </p><p>[Unknown number]: from school </p><p>He doesn’t bother with a contact name, he could deal with it later. </p><p>[Connor]: Cool</p><p>[Connor]: I’m Connor, from school</p><p>He grins a little at the small bit of <em>normal</em>. He hopes Evan responds soon, there isn’t much to do at the moment. </p><p>His phone chimes soon enough and he reacts a little too fast, trying to open it immediately and screwing up the password twice. </p><p>[Unknown number]: Awesome</p><p>His heart sinks a little at that. </p><p>[Connor]: I know right? I’m great</p><p>[Unknown number]: We’ll see </p><p>[Unknown number]: :)</p><p>He smiles a little at that. </p><p>He glances up at the clock. He can’t wait to be home. He figures it won’t take long for Evan to realize he isn’t there, now that they’ve started talking.</p><p>[Unknown number]: I just got a text from my mom saying there’s a kid my age in the hospital</p><p>[Unknown number]: You aren’t at school today</p><p>He wants to get defensive, tell Evan he was just skipping. But he’s so relieved that someone noticed. </p><p>[Connor]: Weed can’t kill me, but pills sure can</p><p>[Connor]: Didn’t really do that, looks like you’re stuck with me</p><p>[Unknown number]: oh my gosh</p><p>[Unknown number]: are you okay??</p><p>[Unknown number]: I could </p><p>[Unknown number]: You could try my therapist?</p><p>He pauses, he didn’t want to explain talking to Evan. </p><p>[Connor]: Nah, I’ll be fine. </p><p>[Connor]: Didn’t mean to worry you</p><p>He shuts his phone off, putting it face down on his lap and leaning back so his head hits the pillow. He wanted to sleep. He leans into the pillow, shutting his eyes. He didn’t want to deal with anyone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you subscribed to any of my works or to my profile, sorry</p></blockquote></div></div>
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